General Forum - Neighbours scriptwriters - comedy Geniuses!! (long one) - Page 1

Inspired by t'other thread regarding that bassingthwaighte bit of rough, I happened upon the 'quotes' page on imdb foir out beloved antipodean diversion, some of these are so subtley hilarious, it's scary..

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Lyn has the 'baby blues']
Connor: But I thought new mothers were supposed to be radiant?
Joe: Radiant? But they are radiant, mate - when the kid's twenty and has moved out of home.

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Tad: [armed with baking trays] Found these in the back of one of Madge's cupboards.
Susan: I'd completely forgotten about them.
Tad: So had she, which is why she's too embarrassed to apologize herself. Now, er, I'm supposed to grovel, blame Harold and quickly change the subject. So, how about the weather today ay?

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Joel: So, when you think about it, there's nothing wrong, absolutely nothing wrong, with two friends - which is what Flick and I are, friends - going out and spending a day together. I mean, that's natural.
Karl: And what about the kiss?
Joel: Well, I wouldn't call it a kiss as such.
Karl: A pash then.
Joel: A peck perhaps.
Susan: Gee, pecking's changed since our day, hasn't it?
Joel: Maybe it looked like a kiss.
Susan: It would have been the pressing of lips that confused us probably.
Joel: Alright, we just got caught up in the romantic mood of the maze.
Karl: And the density of the foliage.

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Lou: Harold, spare me the lecture.
Harold: I'm only commenting.
Lou: Harold, spare me the comment!

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Jane: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Charlene: I'm a Ramsay. We don't think about things like that.

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[After a lecture from Madge]
Toadie: I'll have a coffee thanks Madge, hold the arsenic.

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Joe: You need a megaphone to have a 'quiet' word with that woman Lynnie.

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Dee: Zombie Massacre?
Toadie: That one is really good.
Dee: Oh, Toadie!
Tess: No way.
Toadie: Alright, fine, don't wanna watch that. Watch this one.
Dee: Zombie Massacre 2: Mother Gets Her Medicine.

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[after catching Toadie streaking down Ramsay St.]
Angie: Well, I've seen it all now. Unfortunately, so has everyone else.

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Dee: I'm gonna make Libby an offer she can't refuse... You've seen The Godfather, haven't you?
Tess: Oh, once, ages ago.
Dee: My humour is so wasted.

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Lance: Come on guys, it's a wedding dress - who cares?
Amy: You'll be very different when you're getting married.
Lance: I've decided I'm not going to wear a dress.

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[walking in on Tad and Paul wrestling on the couch]
Flick: I did knock, but would you two prefer to be alone?

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Drew: I'm here to see Libby.
Tom: She doesn't want to see ya.
Drew: She doesn't know I'm here yet.
Tom: And that's the way it's gonna stay.

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Lance: She looks great, she's my age and the stuff that she's interested in is very good.
Ruth: Oh thanks Lance, I feel like I've known her for years.

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Amy: What, you think that men and women can't be friends?
Billy: Of course they can, when they get too old to care about anything else.
Amy: Oh, please.
Billy: Amy, I know how guys think.
Amy: Guys think? Now that's an interesting concept.

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Karl: People loved our slide nights. I'd say something sensible, you'd contradict me.
Susan: No, I wouldn't!

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Anne: Look at the architecture.
Hannah: Yeah, it's not like Australia where everything was built about 2 minutes ago.
Lance: Hello! Some of our cave paintings are over 40,000 years old, you know.

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Toadie: So, when are you going to give it to her?
Billy: Well, it's a birthday present. It's her birthday tomorrow. You work it out!

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Flick: We should be grateful. Think of the starving millions in Africa.
Joe: Name one of 'em, Flick.

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Amy: It's a secret, Sarah made me promise not to tell anyone.
Lance: Sarah doesn't know you very well then.

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Toadie: I've been thinking about our love life.
Joel: Sorry mate, you're not my type.

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Phil: How were you planning on paying for it? Because the last time I looked, plastic surgeons weren't accepting bottle tops anymore.

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Toadie: You know, that woman is an insult to fruitcakes.

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Alice: You're a nurse too?
Tess: No, I work with Susan Kennedy, I'm a teacher.
Alice: This is the most incestuous street... I mean that in the nicest possible way.

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Phil: Ruth needs some help and she doesn't care which quarter it comes from.
Ruth: Phil!
Susan: Actually, one or two suggestions do spring to mind.
Ruth: Oh yes? Nettles? Deadly nightshade?

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Pam: Oh Cody, thank god you're back. You look terrible!
Cody: Yeah, well, I've been sleeping in a stable. What's your excuse?

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[Madge is preparing to leave hospital]
Harold: Don't we need clearance or something?
Madge: Harold, I'm not an aircraft.

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Steph: Libby, it was just an impulsive hug.
Libby: Mmm, if you say so... But you have to admit, it definitely lingered - it was almost a cuddle!
Steph: You are quite mad, you know that don't you?
Libby: So how was he? Does he give good hug?

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Lou: You've put on a little weight since I last looked you know. Actually, I always thought the nickname 'Jelly Belly' was a bit unkind, but I can see why we started it at school.

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Billy: Must be a hot date if you're using an iron.

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Harold: Where there's a will, there's a way.
Lou: It's money we need, Harold, not clichés.

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Libby: I never realised bricks were so heavy.
Phil: That's why my brain's my favourite muscle.

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[Max has the video camera]
Boyd: Come on, give me a break.
Max: Oh yeah, you know the family motto.
Summer: Humiliation is character building!

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Karl: Actually... Now might be a good time.
Susan: Oh, dinner's nearly ready.
Karl: No, no - this won't take long.
Susan: Not really what a woman wants to hear Karl.

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Dorothy: 'Doug and *I*'. If you're going to do something as revolutionary as thinking, at least do it grammatically.